As someone who’s quite active on social media and enjoys commenting on friends’ posts, I often find myself reacting to particularly amazing vacations, new purchases, or exciting life events with a casual “Now I’m really envious!” or something along those lines. Occasionally, though, such remarks are met with raised eyebrows or even subtle criticism. But why is that?
In my world, envy has never carried a negative connotation. Quite the opposite—it’s always come with a generous spirit. Sure, it includes a sense of wishing you could have the same experience or possession, but that doesn’t cancel out the genuine happiness for the other person. These two feelings can coexist! This type of envy is often referred to as positiveor constructive envy.
Constructive envy acknowledges and celebrates what someone else has achieved or acquired, without questioning their right to it. It’s a feeling of admiration paired with inspiration. Destructive envy, on the other hand, is closely linked to resentment. It stems from wanting what someone else has—but without being able to feel happy for them. In fact, it’s the refusal to grant someone else their success or fortune. As defined by Wikipedia, destructive envy always carries this element of begrudging someone else their happiness.
Resentment can be emotionally exhausting. There will always be people who seem to have more—the nicer car, the bigger house, the dreamier vacation. Constantly begrudging others their experiences or possessions takes a toll. It consumes energy that could otherwise be used to build something meaningful in your own life.
Positive envy, on the other hand, can be a source of drive. It shows us what’s possible, what we might be able to achieve ourselves. It can spark motivation and provide positive energy. More importantly, positive envy is a form of recognition—it’s a subtle way of saying, “Well done, that’s inspiring.”
I’d love to see us as a society become more generous in spirit—more open to celebrating others without falling into the trap of resentment. Let’s reclaim the concept of envy, shift it toward the constructive kind, and leave begrudging thoughts behind.